Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
