he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
