Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am naked and annoyed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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