i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
