Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
