My liver just broke up with me...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
