i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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