I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
