Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
