i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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