I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
