He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
