tell your sister to shave her snatch
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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