can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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