It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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