You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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