I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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