I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize