Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
