Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i believe in u and ur pee
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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