I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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