One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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