ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
