Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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