Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
