I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she pinky promised me she was 18
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
