I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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