Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
