just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
