I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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