i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
