Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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