the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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