My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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