I want to have your abortion
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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