I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
