ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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