thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
