you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
