is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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