Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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