Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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