he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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