You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
