Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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