The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
