some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
