Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Farmville is her only friend.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
