member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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