dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
