Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
