I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
