shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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