Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
