Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
