You smell like stripper and shame
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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