At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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