i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
