Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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