Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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