playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
