My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
