I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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