OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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