apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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